“Tell me a little bit about yourself”

Calm down. Don’t stammer. Don’t gulp. Don’t panic. Remember to say that phrase. Talk. Keep talking. Awkward silence. Significant pause. Losing control...what was I going to say? Wait, what was the question again?

That first interview question is one of my nightmares, keeping me awake at night. I simply dread the prospect of speaking about myself. I generally do not hesitate to speak, unless the subject is myself. Perhaps it is a fear of judgement, but judgement is inevitable. Perhaps it is a fear of unpreparedness, but practice can solve that. Perhaps it is a fear of knowing myself, but that is being over dramatic. 

Especially over the last few months, I have been trying to “rediscover” myself through introspection and trying to answer questions, such as, “What are some of your strengths?” or “What experiences have shaped who you are today?”. At first, my mind was filled with sticky notes, with no notes on them. In my desperation to weave together a coherent response, college applications in mind, I began seeing myself in a new light. This new light may not have changed me, but I tried to understand myself, digging into each significant event in my life and attempting to reveal what I learned from it.

Therefore, when we began preparing for interviews last week, I found it much easier to answer the questions, develop coherent responses, and gain thought clarity. However, this was simply a part of the whole. I could form responses in my mind, but was stumped when it came to presentation and expressing my thoughts confidently. My thoughts often became jumbled when they were spoken, or my mind would randomly erase the adhesive from my thoughts, leaving me confused. As I tried to make my thoughts concise and speak simultaneously, I made matters worse. Each time I stumbled over words, I felt as though I were speaking a foreign language, trying to navigate through basic grammar and vocabulary - concepts I never consciously think about in daily life. Self doubt began to trickle into my mind and steal my confidence.

During class this week, however, we began following the saying, “practice makes perfect”. I am not sure about perfect, but practice certainly helped improve my tendencies to hyperventilate. Going through the motions of listening actively to a question, despite nervousness, taking a deep breath to clear my mind and think a thorough response, and finally presenting it in an effective way, helped my nerves calm down. Having done rehearsals, walk-throughs, role-plays, talking to walls, and a smiley face on a sticky note, I felt as though a weight had suddenly been lifted off my shoulders. In fact, I hadn’t noticed the imposing weight of nervousness until it was removed. Doubtless, I am still nervous, and slightly hesitant, but I believe that more practice will help me alleviate more of my irrational fears. Now, my mind is slightly more courageous to step out and try at the very least, to succeed, because I know it will feel much, much worse, if I shrink into the shadows and let go of beautiful opportunities to become a better individual.